i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
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