u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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