ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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