Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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