my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize