in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
