I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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