you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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