The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
