I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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