I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I have feelings that need drinking.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
