Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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