Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
