I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
3 2 1 whiskey
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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