There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I would ride that face into the sunset
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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