I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
