I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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