I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I just want to make out with him forever
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
