It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
my poor anus
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
