oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
