her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
