oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
