My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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