Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I intend to get homeless drunk
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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