Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
whose parrot is this?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
