you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
