I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
