He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
