Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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