And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
