my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
