Plan B is the new Plan A
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Randomize
