Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
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