i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
