she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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