How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Randomize
