I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
