You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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