I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
This is the high leading the old right now
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize