remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
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