Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
