I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
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What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
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The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
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