also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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