Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
