Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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