hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I will be naked everywhere
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
