Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
