Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
