I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
