u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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