Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
