you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
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