I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
