There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
