There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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