yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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