WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
