im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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