a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
