i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
