FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
