Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
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