I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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