my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Randomize
