Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
