Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
That's how pantless uber rides happen
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
