I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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