Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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