a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
