the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I wish there were birth control emojis
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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