i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
