Fine. I'll sleep in my office
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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