When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
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